Su-Su in the Sky

Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash

Su-Su urf Susu urf moot urf peshab urf bathroom urf laghushanka urf urination, last week became the bane for one person making him the butt of jokes for a whole nation. Why? Because the susu was done on a fellow lady passenger and that too a senior citizen and that too at forty thousand feet up in the sky and that too in business class and that too in a recently privatized national carrier of the fastest growing country in the world.

Why the national outrage in India?

Without holding Modi responsible for everything good and bad, no outrage in India can be well explained. First of all, this shows why Swachh Bharat (Clean India) has failed. People are not only urinating on streets and roadsides but now also on airplanes. How dare they? Why did Modi ji not think that drunkards on a plane need to pee from their seats? Have unlimited drinks, unlimited food and then unlimited susu. There are so many holes on a plane. Why can’t there be one at the seat? See this guy Mudi is very clever. He knew this issue would come up one day, so he and Motabhai sold Air India to Ratan. Ratan nu murkha banavo (made a fool out of Ratan Tata). These gujjus are very clever.

Now since Mudi can go free and neither Godi or Lutyens media can hold him responsible for this “susu in the sky” incident, the out of work media had an issue to discuss. So they grabbed this by the balls and upped their TRPs at the expense of this Brahmin fellow. No wait, as soon as it was revealed that he was a Mishra, anyone with the surname Mishra said, “I’m not Mishra”, “I’m Misra” or better still, “I’m Mishri”. Fellow brahmins started saying, how this guy has brought shame to the community? South Indians started saying, this was a problem of the north indians. Muslims started saying, this was a Hindu problem. After cowering under love jihad allegations resulting in multiple suicides and murders committed by Muslim men on Hindu women, the ilk of the Owaisis found a counter to love jihad. It is now called “drink jihad” or better still “susu jihad”. They now extol the virtues of being a pious non drinking circumcised Muslim. Some claimed, they can control peeing. In fact, they can beat aghoris who are still finding ways to reverse the flow of urine during live urination.

Drunkards who remembered having slumped in streetside drains or public bathrooms or had confused other women as wives and vice versa (Imagine all the fun drunkards have) thanked Varuni, the Indian Goddess of Wine that it was not they who had to suffer the same ignominy as the poor Wells Fargo banker. However, they did group sashtang to Mishra ji as what he had done was historic in the society of drunkards. Madhushala and Mattavilasa Prahasana (The Farce of Drunken Sport or The Delight of the Drunkards) had found new competition. Both Harivansh Rai Bachchan and Mahendravarman couldn’t turn in their graves. Why? Fool, because they were cremated. Ha, Ha!

Urologania and Peegasm experts had another take on the issue. They claimed the man was providing free services though he wasn’t aware of the value of his services at that height in an airplane. They hoped he had called them. In fact, they are planning to do a candle march to Peegate and meet the President of India and ask her to confer Bharat Ratna to their new mascot.

Slackers and GFNs (Good for Nothings) claimed, “see it doesn’t matter how many degrees you have and even if you work with a Gora bank, earn well and travel in business class, if you can’t “hold the drink (as in Khosla ka Ghosla)” , kya fayada in degreeon ka (what use are these degrees).” Look at us, tenth fail, standing near the gutter, drinking tharra, we can do better than this fellow.”

Finally, the Congress and Indian opposition, they are crying hoarse why Modi ji is silent about this. One spokesman said, “Modi ji has time to tweet about Putingate but what about Peegate. Prime Minister should resign. The nation will remember how this government has become fascist and Nazi. Hitler, Mussolini, Sarla behn, Rahul Saddam Gandhi….”


When everyone is baying for his blood (oops pee) in a moment of sanity in this article, I seriously think this guy needs to get his kundali (horoscope) checked. Maybe he is under shani saade sati (7 years of Saturn Transit). Poor fellow has won a lifetime of infamy even if we forget for a moment the many family, career and judicial problems he will face. What he has already suffered is perhaps more than what anyone deserves or what the justice system can punish him with. All I can say is, “hold the drink or you will be on the rocks.”



Arunesh is the author of 2 books — The Migrant, A Biography and The Astrologer’s Curse. He works in the energy industry and loves writing and travelling.

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Arunesh is the author of 2 books — The Migrant, A Biography and The Astrologer’s Curse. He works in the energy industry and loves writing and travelling.